Religious Humor

[Freecare Spiritwise]

One of my favorite pieces of religious humor, the hymm from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life:

O Lord Please Don't Burn Us

O Lord, please don't burn us.
Don't grill or toast Your flock.
Don't put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock.
Don't braise or bake or boil us
Or stir-fry us in a wok.
Oh, please don't lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat.
Don't fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don't stick Thy servants, Lord,
In a Rotissomat.

The sermon right before it is a crackup too:

HUMPHREY WILLIAMS: ...And spotteth twice they the camels before the third
hour, and so, the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead in Kadesh Bilgemath,
by Shor Ethra Regalion, to the house of Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda, he who
brought the butter dish to Balshazar and the tent peg to the house of
Rashomon, and there slew they the goats, yea, and placed they the bits in
little pots. Here endeth the lesson.
CHAPLAIN: Let us praise God. O Lord,...
CONGREGATION: O Lord,...
CHAPLAIN: ...ooh, You are so big,...
CONGREGATION: ...ooh, You are so big,...
CHAPLAIN: ...so absolutely huge.
CONGREGATION: ...so absolutely huge.
CHAPLAIN: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
CONGREGATION: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
CHAPLAIN: Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and...
CONGREGATION: And barefaced flattery.
CHAPLAIN: But You are so strong and, well, just so super.
CONGREGATION: Fantastic.
HUMPHREY: Amen.
CONGREGATION: Amen.

[Harlowe]

I loved that movie. I think the Zulu war part was my favorite.

[Alluveal]

[Taxious]

Yeah, the meaning of life is great. I liked the "Galaxy Song" the most:

Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown,
And things seem hard or tough,
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft,
And you feel that you've had quite eno-o-o-o-o-ough...

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the "Milky Way".

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

[Garrdor]

Here's a little bit of Religous humor.

So there was this guy. He got thrown overboard some boat and a whale swam up (durturdurturdurrrr) and accidently swallowed him! ROFL

He got spat out onto the beach a few days later like "WTF!?!"

Oh - here's a few other GAGS:

ZOINK!... LOL!

ZWABA-WABBA-DING-DONG!

BONK!...WEEE-WOOOO

RAKKAKAKKAKALEWLDEWLEWWW...ROFL!

[Partha]

Jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and says, 'Can you put me up for the night?'.

[Taxious]

Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?

Hidden Information!

...because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

[Garrdor]

What do you call a black priest?

Hidden Information!

HOLY SHIT!!!

[Turaylon Soulshadow]

[Arathena]

What else needs said?

[Freecare Spiritwise]

What else needs said?

Best religious de-motivational poster ever 8> 8>.