HELP!! Need Legal Advice! Somewhat urgent!

[Turaylon Soulshadow]

Here's the story-

My girlfriend's 6 year old has a lying problem, so as punishment his Nintendo 3DS was taken away until the beginning of the school year. His father (who he lives with primarily during the week) has tried several times to lie his way into getting it back for him.

Last night, under pretenses of supposedly dropping the kids lunch box off to us he walks in uninvited after the kid opens the door to see who it was and begins demanding the video game. After being told no, he starts raising his voice and balling his fists, during which time I stood up and began motioning for him to leave. He shoved me, and not wanting to get hit in the face I forced him out the door.

Well, he hit me in the face anyway so I put my arms around his neck and dragged him to the ground and held him there until he calmed his shit. He's now saying he is going to press charges against me and take her kids away (there's also a baby) if i ever see them again because 'he thinks I'm going to be abusive towards the kids and her if I am that violent with him'.

Does he have any legal grounds for anything or is he just trying to bully her into running her life now that they're divorced? She's freaking out and my relationship is on the chopping block because she's convinced he can actually take her kids away or at the very least prevent her from seeing the one he has full time (she has the baby full time, he has the 6 year old) and have me put in jail for defending myself, purely because his new girlfriend (some slut from Bridgeport, CT) is running her mouth to him.

I was planning on marrying this one (was going to ask relatively soon, too) and him being a fuckwad bully is making that look like an improbability.

If it matters, we're in Connecticut.

I'm almost certain he can't do anything legally, but how do I convince her of that?

[Raelesyn]

If it happened INSIDE your house I don't think he has a leg to stand on...Worst case is he can file assault charges on you..and you on him...He did strike you first...GL man...( shoulda shot his ass..lol)

[Alluveal]

Okay, what kind of grown man throws a fit about a fucking video game? Great that you love this woman, but you're going to have to cross paths with this wonder-twat forever. Sounds like a picnic.

I don't know about legalities, but I'd probably look into getting a restraining order of some kind. Why this guy can just walk into the house w/o fearing any repercussions is beyond me.

[Minute]

If it happened INSIDE your house I don't think he has a leg to stand on...Worst case is he can file assault charges on you..and you on him...He did strike you first...GL man...( shoulda shot his ass..lol)

Really? Should have taken his life?

[Fallakin Kuvari]

Didn't say kill him, Minute.

Not every gunshot wound kills.

[Kulaf]

I am assuming this happened in her house.

You really shouldn't have stepped in unless you were defending her from attack by him. If this is her house, she needs to make the decesion on when someone should leave......not you who has no legal claim to the property or to the children in question.

That said, the only way I could see you doing any time would be if she rolls on you as a witness to keep him from trying to get the kids.

The best thing for all concerned would be to get a modification to the parenting plan agreeing that all exchanges of the children take place in a neutral location if there is going to be animosity between the "adults".

[Ddrak]

Look, he hit you first and you then restrained him until he calmed down. Fact is now he's all pissy because you bested him AND you've got his ex-wife so he's threatening shit that he can't follow through with. If he tries this, I'd be fairly certain (can never be sure in legal situations) it will backfire on him. The only danger is your GF not supporting you as a witness.

So, you have a legit assault case on him (he hit you first). He has nothing on you (you restrained him after his assault and then allowed him to go free when he presented no further danger). If he tries ANYTHING legal then he will end up with reduced access.

Calm your GF down. You may want to call her lawyer (I assume she had one for the divorce) and get the whole thing laid out. He'll be very clear what you should and shouldn't do.

Dd

[Freecare Spiritwise]

First ... everyone take some deep breaths.

You did nothing wrong. Are there any marks on your face? Take pictures immediately. I would probably even call the cops right now (like, right this second) as long as she's gonna tell them the truth. This other guy should be in jail. It's not to late to call them the next day. Some other issues I see, like the 6 year old shouldn't be answering the door, even if it's someone he knows!

From a civil standpoint, you could drag him through the legal system and really fuck with him. As an example, I used to work with this chick whose BF grabbed a neighbor's shirt across a backyard fence. All he did was grab the guy's shirt and they spent two years fighting it out in court. Ultimately the guy being the bully got his ass handed to him in civil court. I would definitely consider getting the lawyers involved if you're not getting any movement on other fronts. The goal is not revenge, it's making people think twice about fucking with you. It's a "conditioned response" as my lawyer would say.

Either way this has custody ramifications for the kid. The GF should be having this guy's visitation removed and/or reduced. Certainly the authorities should know that this guy is fighting in front of the kid and acting like this.

So .. if it were me, I'd probably be on the phone. But not without the GF's support. She's gotta step up for the good of her kid. This isn't really about her or you. The kid might even need counseling. Was the kid and/or GF abused by this guy?

[Garrdor]

2v1

He loses. Don't worry, the numbers speak for themselves.

Personally though, coroners identify bodies via fingers/teeth/tats/birthmarks. *wink wink*

[Turaylon Soulshadow]

The thing of it is *I* don't want to get cops and lawyers involved because it's just a shitload of BS stress, drama, and whatever else that my girlfriend and I don't want to deal with and don't want to put her kids through. Her ex is being manipulated by his current girlfriend who just plain doesn't like my girlfriend for no reason at all and thinks she can do what she wants because she's some ghetto skank from Bridgeport, CT.

The current custody is set up that she is the guardian of the baby, he is the guardian of the 6 year old, she has them both Saturday nights, he has them both Friday nights. He is saying if I see either kid again he's going to have them taken away (he even tried taking them that moment and she freaked out so I just left). I know him not letting her have the kids on her time is a breach of the custody, but can he get nailed for blackmail if he is saying he'll have them taken away if I see them, despite HIM being the one who was in the wrong?

Also, no marks on me, just the inside of my cheek got cut on my tooth, dude hits like a girl just got me at a lucky angle. The look on his face when I had him on the ground, seriously thought I was going to be wiping his piss off the floor. I'm literally twice his size and FAR more protective of these kids than even their own father is. After talking with a bunch of people I know he has no legal leg to stand on, I just need to figure out how to get the bullshit and drama to stop. He's getting his way for this weekend and next (kinda, he's in PA with the older kid, and next weekend my g/f is gonna spend some time alone with the kids, because she never gets to do that and I'm gonna do some stuff at my place) but we're taking them both to the fair on 9/8 whether he likes it or not and we just wanna be able to avoid as much BS as possible.

There's no way she would testify in his favor, she WANTS full custody of both kids because he's a neglectful piece of shit and lies constantly about everything (fuck he started a fight over a VIDEO GAME!). He claims all of the stuff in the house is 'his' and he lets Seth (the 6 year old) 'borrow' it...even though he took the Nintendo DS my girlfriend gave to Seth, pawned it, and bought a Nintendo 3DS with the money...idk, the guy is a scumbag.

[Turaylon Soulshadow]

First ... everyone take some deep breaths.

You did nothing wrong. Are there any marks on your face? Take pictures immediately. I would probably even call the cops right now (like, right this second) as long as she's gonna tell them the truth. This other guy should be in jail. It's not to late to call them the next day. Some other issues I see, like the 6 year old shouldn't be answering the door, even if it's someone he knows!

From a civil standpoint, you could drag him through the legal system and really fuck with him. As an example, I used to work with this chick whose BF grabbed a neighbor's shirt across a backyard fence. All he did was grab the guy's shirt and they spent two years fighting it out in court. Ultimately the guy being the bully got his ass handed to him in civil court. I would definitely consider getting the lawyers involved if you're not getting any movement on other fronts. The goal is not revenge, it's making people think twice about fucking with you. It's a "conditioned response" as my lawyer would say.

Either way this has custody ramifications for the kid. The GF should be having this guy's visitation removed and/or reduced. Certainly the authorities should know that this guy is fighting in front of the kid and acting like this.

So .. if it were me, I'd probably be on the phone. But not without the GF's support. She's gotta step up for the good of her kid. This isn't really about her or you. The kid might even need counseling. Was the kid and/or GF abused by this guy?

The kids are abused by neglect. He would rather sit them in front of a video game or TV than spend time with them AT ALL. He orders sushi and won't share with the older kid and makes him eat like white rice or chicken fries. He WILL NOT cook and only microwaves oven snack foods for Seth, and doesn't feed the baby at all (he always comes home and runs straight for the fridge for food after spending the night there). He almost never changes the baby's diaper, so we always get him back full of shit with a rash. He won't bathe either of them, he will make ANY excuse to not have them longer than he legally has to. He demanded we take Seth Thursday nights so he can go to some shitty bar every week with his crap ass 'band' (him and his loser friend playing fucking synthesizers to prerecorded music), and he flips shit if she's ever late picking them up. He's never been physically abusive, and definitely wouldn't now because he knows I will destroy his shit, but my girlfriend is super sensitive to people being upset with her and it really affects her.

[Jarochai Alabaster]

he took the Nintendo DS my girlfriend gave to Seth, pawned it, and bought a Nintendo 3DS with the money...idk, the guy is a scumbag.

DS --> 3DS is an upgrade. Straight, literal upgrade with backwards compatibility. If he pawned the DS to get a 3DS, he put cash on the 3DS too. With everything else I wouldn't argue whether the guy's scum or not, just saying this isn't evidence of it.

[Turaylon Soulshadow]

he took the Nintendo DS my girlfriend gave to Seth, pawned it, and bought a Nintendo 3DS with the money...idk, the guy is a scumbag.

DS --> 3DS is an upgrade. Straight, literal upgrade with backwards compatibility. If he pawned the DS to get a 3DS, he put cash on the 3DS too. With everything else I wouldn't argue whether the guy's scum or not, just saying this isn't evidence of it.

What I'm saying is he took the kid's game and sold it to get something supposedly for himself (the item in question which is what he threw a fit over).

[Ddrak]

Ok - first of all, it's your gf's responsibility to deal with all of this. You get to support her and help her through the decision making process, but it comes down to what she wants and how much she'll deal with this guy being completely pissed off at her when she protects her children.

My recommendations:

1. Lead her through the path of what's best for the kids - what the ultimate goal is. Keep her focused on the kids and not any of the fallout and who'll be upset at who.
2. Once she's firm in her mind what the goal is, then get her to accept that to reach that goal there's going to be fallout. If she backs down, go back to step 1. Either she wants what's best for the kids or she doesn't.
3. Now you have the goal and fallout established, get ready to document a pattern of neglect by this guy. Start taking photos. Start a diary, with notes on how the kids report their treatment and what you noticed, as well as his behaviour and the like. All that shit stands up like you wouldn't believe in court - way better than just answering questions.
4. Call her lawyer. Not to sue anyone right away but to get advice on what you've planned. Presenting a cohesive goal and plan for yes/no/tweaking is going to be a lot cheaper than asking him to develop one.
5. If he makes a breach in custody, DO NOT ACT YOURSELF. Call the cops. If you're afraid of their wellbeing then express that as well when you call. Whatever you do, you're under examination for your parental abilities so act accordingly. End goal, remember?
6. If you don't act, who will? Get the law on your side and you'll win permanently.

Dd

[Turaylon Soulshadow]

Ok - first of all, it's your gf's responsibility to deal with all of this. You get to support her and help her through the decision making process, but it comes down to what she wants and how much she'll deal with this guy being completely pissed off at her when she protects her children.

My recommendations:

1. Lead her through the path of what's best for the kids - what the ultimate goal is. Keep her focused on the kids and not any of the fallout and who'll be upset at who.
2. Once she's firm in her mind what the goal is, then get her to accept that to reach that goal there's going to be fallout. If she backs down, go back to step 1. Either she wants what's best for the kids or she doesn't.
3. Now you have the goal and fallout established, get ready to document a pattern of neglect by this guy. Start taking photos. Start a diary, with notes on how the kids report their treatment and what you noticed, as well as his behaviour and the like. All that shit stands up like you wouldn't believe in court - way better than just answering questions.
4. Call her lawyer. Not to sue anyone right away but to get advice on what you've planned. Presenting a cohesive goal and plan for yes/no/tweaking is going to be a lot cheaper than asking him to develop one.
5. If he makes a breach in custody, DO NOT ACT YOURSELF. Call the cops. If you're afraid of their wellbeing then express that as well when you call. Whatever you do, you're under examination for your parental abilities so act accordingly. End goal, remember?
6. If you don't act, who will? Get the law on your side and you'll win permanently.

Dd

The point we're at right now is we just don't want his girlfriend to start shit, despite her having no place in any of it. It's her that's causing the drama and her that's making him say all this stuff. When he first left the house after I laid him out he said everything was fine and was getting in his car to leave, then she storms upstairs throwing a fit and he completely changed his tune.

From a legal standpoint we're all set, and she's behind me 100%, and I've even got character witnesses lined up if a custody case does come into place because of how he 'thinks' I might act around the kids. Ultimately we just don't want to deal with cops at all because, quite frankly, around here they're ALL assholes, and I just don't feel like spending a weekend in jail for no damn reason, because I hate bologna sandwiches and cola. I know no actual penalty will happen on our side, it's just the BS we want to go away.

[Thalun Thornn]

You need to hire a lawyer ASAP. You can get out of it completely and resume normal visitation with your kid, same thing almost happened to me. You live in CT, i do too, PM me and I will recommend an awesome lawyer who became like a family member to me in getting me visitation back with my 10 yr old after a similar incident (I had to discipline her for lying to a neighbor girl and making her jump in a pond and her mother used a bruise she got from playing to accuse me of "abuse"). Anyway, PM me, this lawyer really cares.

PS> also I know how you feel about all CT cops being assholes. its so true. One time I was taking my girl (now my wife) out for valentines day dinner to hartford, trumbull st. kitchen. Its kind of a shady area and I got mugged and pistol whipped. Profusely bleeding from the head, I walked into a police substation where they proceeded to beat the shit out of me all the while yelling "stop resisting!". When my wife tried to tape it they said "your next, bitch". I was arrested for assault on a police officer. The case was dropped after that because of hospital records but in CT anything can happen..