Infidelity

[Harlowe]

I'd say if you have to avoid women or you'll cheat, then you have some huge issues or you are definitely not with someone you truly desire a monogamous relationship with. If you like using candy as an example - if you can't even be around candy without eating it, then you probably don't have the desire or willpower to be on a diet.

[Partha]

In infidelity, one person betrays and fucks over another person, without the knowledge or consent of the other person. If you think it's as easy as choosing candy, I wonder what the result would have been had Klast, or anyone else who committed adultery, had the balls to ask their partner if it was ok to engage in the behaviour they were about to engage in. Would it have been as easy to ask their partner if they could have a cnady bar? Is it that easy Partha? To you, is infidelity reduced to the same level and consequence of choosing a Snickers over a piece of celery? Idiot.

That right there is the reason you cheat. You only see it from your eyes, what's in your best interest. You can't see it from theirs. I guess you haven't developed a strong sense of empathy yet.

For as wise as you think you are becoming, you can't recognize the self-absorbed narcissism in yourself.

You see, I agree with you, you simple minded dumbfuck. BUT, if you have a weakness, avoiding situations like that is only good sense. That's why we don't let child molesters babysit or hang around schools. Further, we don't know what the exact situation is - what if someone is chasing HIM? Should he refuse to avoid that person?

Y'know, you get really annoying when you get into your Super Catholic Man mode.

[Ddrak]

I don't see the idea that someone knows their failings and avoids putting themselves in a situation where it could be a problem to be any indication of selfishness or narcissism. To me that says the person is quite aware of their own strengths and weaknesses and makes sure they don't allow their weaknesses to hurt people that they make commitments to.

My brother has some pretty awesome stories about married women approaching him. Apparently being a fit 20-something stay-at-home-dad is really attractive or something...

Dd

[Klast Brell]

I'm surprised at the strong reactions I got. I'm also surprised at the hostile responses to what I thought was a very open and honest self examination. A few people here have stated that they were not presented with many opportunities in their lives. Maybe that accounts for the small number of people coming out in this thread.

I thought a lot more people would have confessed to some indiscretion in their past.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_q ... tBody;col1
Laumann et al. (1994) report that 25% of married men and 15% of married women admitted to having engaged in EM sex at least once..

And that's just counting married people.

But you know what really gets me? I confess my sins and tell you I'm trying to be a better man. And you still rip in to me for something I did 10 years ago and have no intention of ever doing again. Mighty christian of you.

[Select]

I thought a lot more people would have confessed to some indiscretion in their past.

I'm not innocent; I've had a few short flings and some casual sex (that I now regret), but they've always been one at a time. What reactions did you expect? Some people truly find cheating deplorable. I rank it pretty high on my disgust scale and I see some others do too. My view is that giving the act the shit it deserves may force people to realize how terrible it is. I find our culture too accepting and I think that contributes to it perpetuating. I also think narcissism, entitlement, lack of empathy, and selfishness run rampant in our culture and contribute too.

In addition to what Arky said about sex education, I want to see a study done on views about cheating: What each partner thinks about cheating. Then, how many have had affairs based on their views. What views render the least amount of affairs. If having differing views effects the likelihood of an affair. And if having compatible views effects the likelihood of an affair.

And geez, everyone, take the religion comments and snarks to another thread.

Also,

I'm also surprised at the hostile responses to what I thought was a very open and honest self examination.

Well, you are aware of what board you're posting on. Confessing and expressing can get your innards torn into. (LOL, PERSONAL EXPERIENCES)

Edit:

I've had a few short flings and some casual sex (that I now regret), but they've always been one at a time.

Does not mean I've been gang banged or sloppy seconds. I know how you dumbass pervs think. -.-

[Taxious]

if you have a weakness, avoiding situations like that is only good sense.

If someone has a "weakness" to be unfaithful, maybe the situation they should be avoiding is getting into a relationship in the first place.

[Arkaron]

Select, you'll never get a good study done on adultery. You're asking someone to confess what they may feel is the worst thing they have ever done to a pollster. Numbers from psychologists and couples therapy types would be more helpful, but not everyone chooses to attend therapy.

An older, close friend of mine did have an affair, and it rips him apart to think about it even now, and it happened 12+ years ago. Don't go thinking the people who do it are all hoppty-skip through Extra-Marrital Land.

[Select]

An older, close friend of mine did have an affair, and it rips him apart to think about it even now, and it happened 12+ years ago. Don't go thinking the people who do it are all hoppty-skip through Extra-Marrital Land.

I don't think that, but it's what I mostly see from the situations around me. I hope it tears him up until he's dead when he thinks back on it (as I wish everyone would) It shows he has an understanding of his mistake and cruelty and it will probably keep him from hurting himself and another again.

[Ariannda Kusanagi]

An older, close friend of mine did have an affair, and it rips him apart to think about it even now, and it happened 12+ years ago. Don't go thinking the people who do it are all hoppty-skip through Extra-Marrital Land.

I don't think that, but it's what I mostly see from the situations around me. I hope it tears him up until he's dead when he thinks back on it (as I wish everyone would) It shows he has an understanding of his mistake and cruelty and it will probably keep him from hurting himself and another again.

WOAH NElly back up the wagon there

Who do you think YOU are to be so self sanctimonious hoping someone ELSE'S world is ripped apart, for the rest of their life, because of something they did and now look back on with regret. If you had edited that comment slightly i would have agreed with you 100% but it's not your place to be judge, jury and executioner of that man, or Klast, myself, Embar or anyone else about what they have or haven't done. Your hypocrisy is astounding Select. Lets take a look at the abortion thread, where when people admitted abortion you sympathize with the pain and anguish and regret they had to go through, but cheating on someones SO is something you HOPE tears him up until he's dead ? Boy you really do have a lot of living to do. And yes I realize the second part of what you said, but again some people will skip merrily through extramarital sex land, and some will make one mistake that DOES destroy their entire lives, but part of what makes a person great is the ability to get back up, brush off and continue to move on with life, and to move PAST mistakes made !


I more then almost anyone on this board has made more then my fair share of mistakes, and fuckups, and it's been pretty well known i'm no angel. Now i may come off as a bit dim witted at times but I assure you I have a full grasp of mistakes, and regret and sorrow and anguish and feelings I hope you yourself never have to experience. And your age has nothing to do with it either. I'm not saying you should intentionally get into some fucked up situations, i'm simply saying not to judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

God sometimes you really piss me off. It's not even someone on this board, but someone, someone ELSE knows and this is still the reaction. I really don't know if it is age or a maturity factor at play here. I'm just going to stop typing or i'll end up rambling

[Select]

Not tearing him up every second of every day, but if he looks back on it (as I said) it hurts like it should and it never stops hurting. If you still hate me for it, that's fine.

Abortion is a different issue entirely for me and I don't equate the two.

[Freecare Spiritwise]

if you have a weakness, avoiding situations like that is only good sense.

If someone has a "weakness" to be unfaithful, maybe the situation they should be avoiding is getting into a relationship in the first place.

My opinion is that all of us have self destructive impulses hard-wired into our brains, so in a sense we're all weak to some extent. It's self control that prevents us from acting on those impulses. Ever get really pissed at someone on the road and flip them off? Your impulse is to throttle that person, but you understand the consequences and see it for the impulse that it is. To say the problem lies in the fact that you shouldn't have had the impulse in the first place is naive, and goes against basic human nature.

And yeah, there's varying degrees of self destruction (candy bar versus banging your secretary), but my belief is that they all share the same dark corner of our psyche. Each of us has our own demons. Each of us has a threshold. None of us are perfect specimens. Having said that, to me, it makes absolute sense not to put ourselves in a position where we are tempting fate. It's basic common sense.

I'm coming up on my 10th anniversary with 100% fidelity. However in those 10 years, I've had a couple close calls. I'm not rationalizing those close calls by saying "oops, sorry, I'm flawed, sue me", but I'm not punishing myself repeatedly either. I'm flawed. I'm imperfect. But I still try my best to be the best husband/father/human I can be. Some days are better than others. Hopefully the day never comes when I do something really supremely stupid, but if it does I'll take my lumps like a man and accept the consequences. There's a fine line between dwelling on past mistakes and learning from them.

I've always said, none of us will ever be perfect, but that shouldn't stop us from at least making at good attempt.

If the full truth of all of us were laid out on a table (as I believe happens at the moment of death), then I'm guessing we'd all be pretty much equal.

[Alluveal]

Sorry Klast. I certainly didn't try to rip you. I think people certainly can change. I guess I feel passionately because I've been the one being cheated ON and it's really felt like shit. I can't think of many things worse than that.

I also have not been approached by a lot, but I have been told that people find me highly unapproachable, so I'm not in any real danger of being hit on, haha.

I think when you are young, you definitely want to experience the world. Nothing wrong with that. Some people just go about it a bit differently. I will say that unless you are engaged or married or in a committed relationship (i.e. some people don't believe "in marriage",) the cheating thing isn't as big of a deal (at least in my mind.)

[Partha]

Simply because someone had to do it.

I also have not been approached by a lot, but I have been told that people find me highly unapproachable, so I'm not in any real danger of being hit on, haha.

Hay u a/s/l?

[Harlowe]

And geez, everyone, take the religion comments and snarks to another thread.

Nah, if I feel like bringing up religion or being snarky at any given moment, I'm not going to ask myself "WWSD", I'm just going to do it.

[Select]

That's terribly creepy you kept a many years old picture of my face. I can understand pulling it off an avatar for the moment, but keeping it for a few years? (That pic is three years old) Yeeeeesh. The space is better used for an lolCat meme.

[Harlowe]

Aren't we the little narcissist. I didn't keep your image. I do however have all my MSpaint joke pictures. I just had to remove the carrot from your mouth from the "pea & carrot, I'm a health nut" lecture you gave.

For example, you are just as important as the guy from another board that I turned into a Vampire Freak...

[Select]

The time would be better spent for on an lolCat meme.

And suuuure you edited it. I'll just call it a freak hobby. That 'lecture' is also around three years old from an eighteen year-old, sweetie. Fill your memory banks with something better, not a kid's rambling akin to her Deadjournal bad poetry days.

[Harlowe]

If you can't see the sprayed on color around the mouth area, that's not my problem. You're still someone that rambles immaturely about shit, so, I'm not really seeing any growth there. The only change is that your lectures are now more sanctimonious and moody, much like the middle-aged women at work going through menopause

[Select]

For "not seeing any growth" and disliking all of it, you waste a lot of energy on it. Let's argue female hormonal stages through life as insults! Because it is such a step forward for women everywhere! Is it better to sound like menopause middle-ager or a severe 24/7 PMSer?

[Partha]

As a male, the correct answer is, 'keep out of earshot' for both options.